aA few days ago, I am guilty of spending a lot of hours worrying over unnecessary things.
The day before that, I joined an artwork contest about Earth Day. I asked the organizer to conceal my name into initials if ever they will post my work publicly. The next day, they uploaded all artworks in their Facebook page that are submitted including mine. I asked my family to share my work (apparently, there is a people’s choice award). My friend, who is a friend of my mother in Facebook, is quickwitted, immediately concluding that it was me just by the initials stated and immediately shared my artwork to our group of friends. My efforts to obscure my name to the public is useless. Although, I am grateful that he genuinely shared my artwork, not to make me a laughing stock but he wants me to win. I am really grateful for a friend like him who supports uwu.
But like what I had written in the first sentence, I spend almost half of the day, worrying so much about what other people think. I completely had no confidence over my work.
I woke up 2 AM the next day. I cannot go back to sleep, so I decided to watch videos from Urban and Transportation docus to Unjaded Jade’s vlogs. As I watched Unjaded Jade’s latest vlog, in the scene where she just stopped running-slash-walking and sat down in the middle of an empty field, she spoke out a thought. Jade said, “Why do I get stressed about really unnecessary things in life? Why does Jade overthink so much? Because in moments like this, when you are on an empty field and you can just look at the sky, like everything is so inconsequential, like nothing matters. It’s just I’m like a random speck in this huge earth where like every single person is probably worrying about their own lives too.. like the irony of it is just… why worry?”
Oh gohds. It’s a video that I just needed. Her words put everything into perspective. And you know what? By the time, I finished watching her video, sunlight has finally invaded our bedroom. I believe that eveything is a God-incidence moment. You are in that place, in that specific moment because God wants you to hear something, learn something, see something, feel something, or taste something. Ever since the start of quarantine, I never woke up around 2AM and then I just did.
I swear if that sunlight is a human and speaks, his/her words will be like, “Get up. Today is a new day.”
After watching her vlog, I went back to what happened on the previous day and reflected on my actions.
● First, I am grateful that I had the courage to step out of my comfort zone. Joining these contests are included in my steps of gaining courage. So now that its a brand new day, the worries and overthinking are out of my mind and instead all I feel now is gratefulness, that I am able to send out my entry and I did not let my fear completely took over me.
● Second, although I am guilty of spending time worrying instead of living my best life, I have to accept that it happened in the past, and I have been given more 24 hours to live. So I will live. Its all part of the process. I am still just in the beginning and I am not planning on giving up.
● Third, I am grateful that I am surrounded by good people. I overthinked so much and worried that they would think badly of my artwork. But they did not (I think). Well, although I do not care now about what other people think, I know that my friends will support me. And I am so so grateful for them.
● Finally, I am grateful that I am applying the things that I had learned from reading the book, Creative Confidence written by Tom Kelley and David Kelley. In one chapter, they wrote about Prof. Albert Bandura and his famous guided mastery on how people can overcome their deepest fears and phobias.
I did not win the contest. Everyone sent a either a digital media artwork or a painting/sketching/drawing/poster artwork. And I was the only one who sent an unconventional artwork- crochet bag. So, I am grateful that I did not try to fit in into the common types of artworks but instead, I let myself define what an artwork is.
“Failure sucks, but it instructs.”
Truly, it really sucks but it instructs. I wonder if I would have wrote all these things or even suddenly waking up at 2AM if I would had won.
Like what I have read in the book, The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday, nothing really is an obstacle. Let’s imagine ourselves like we are fires. And everything that is on our way are fuel for us- to make us better and stronger. We are like a speck of dust in this whole universe and yet we are all so different and skilled and talented?? Why worry??