No one’s thinking about me.

I have been experiencing what psychologists call ‘The Spotlight Effect’. Its wherein I think that everyone’s thinking about me. I have been overthinking about my faults and I think that my blocmates are thinking about my mistakes- that thought makes me anxious.

Hence, I messaged my two blocmates—who I am closest with and who’s opinions matter to me—and asked them if somehow they had thought of me the past few weeks and instantly think about my mistakes and failures.

Both of them answered no (which relived me to be honest) and if they had ever think about me its just because they miss me. At the same time I also discovered that they are too busy dealing with their own problems and worries in life to even think about me and my failures.

One of those blocmate that I messaged mentioned to me that even if someone in our class actually thinks about my failures constantly, that is not my fault anymore. They chose to do that and that is something out of my control.

I debated whether I’ll message a few more blocmates but I don’t think it would make much of a difference as much as the first two I messaged. Because like I mentioned, only those two people are the opinions that truly matter to me and if they haven’t even been thinking about me, then I’m good.

This activity that I did—that I did not assume and instead asked my friends directly—provided me with a peace of mind. No matter how others will perceive what I do, by the end of the day, they will worry about their own lives. They don’t think about me all of the time like how I overthink about it. Hence, I should get busy on living my life rather than pausing and making time to worry what they think of me.

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